


chasing ghosts

by divineintervention (card0za)



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2019-10-30 19:17:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17834555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/card0za/pseuds/divineintervention
Summary: henry andrews is just beginning to learn that he's always been chasing ghosts.





	1. chasing ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> main reference; chasing ghosts by the eden project. fandom; csi:crime scene investigation/csi:las vegas. set present day, taking place a few years after 'immortality'. main ship is henry andrews/david hodges.

lights reflect on glass walls and computer screens through an empty crime lab, four in the morning, caught up in a mid-summer rainstorm that amplifies a hollow feeling. 

those reflections are ghosts, much like the figurative one that henry has found himself chasing for nearly the past year. but if you ask him, he's pretty much been chasing ghosts his entire life, and it feels as if he'll never stop. 

but of course it's his own fault- he has to blame himself this time. he blames himself for not being more careful, for letting his defenses down, for even entertaining the thought of simply getting to know a co-worker better outside of work, much less getting involved with one, especially one who often made a habit of teasing him. despite those repercussions, it took a rather long time, way towards the end of the relationship for henry to even begin doubting that david ever loved him. after all, it was david who made the sacred 'first move', or at least, it really seemed that way, even to greg, who'd been whispering about something to nick for the past fifteen minutes. henry trusted them to know david better than pretty much anyone else he worked with, and they wouldn't lie to him like that, would they?

and even though what went wrong is a mystery of sorts, still a blurred line, it's hard for him to realize that it really was never his fault, or that it never was anyone's fault, really. truth is, relationships form, and many succumb to violently breaking, or falling apart, while another majority simply fade away without major consequence. henry would say that this one could fall in between the two, although mostly leaning towards the former- because there were consequences, and that's for sure. larger consequences than any he'd experienced before in past relationships.

but none of those were anything compared to this one- none have lasted even half as long, or required as much scientific labor as this one has. there was truly a point in time, not very long ago, where henry truly thought he were going to _marry_ david in a classic, flashy vegas wedding, bringing back the 'lab rat' game as their theme with needed revisions and updates to throw curveballs at their guests. 

archie would have been front and center beside them, somewhere near the altar as someone's best man, though they would have to work out a lot of schedule differences, since he was transferred to san francisco, and of course greg had to be the ring-bearer. he just had to be.

but apparently henry was never cut out for marriage, and it seems apparent that david wasn't either, much to his mother's dismay.

as he walks alone through the building, he sees the spirits of their former selves, all tangled up in small talk and conversations, the encrypted flirting from across tables and labs, so hidden that 'fraternizing in the workplace' was never an issue brought up. all that mattered was that they knew what the other meant- to hell with anyone else. 

in fact, that's the way it started. subtly flirty star trek references and unexpected, yet appreciated gifts and gestures of kindness. then it blossomed into meeting up at the cafe downtown, to meeting up at each other's houses, eventually into real dates, and finally into trips to the bedroom and under the covers.

but that's all they are now. ghosts. he breathes in, having to remind himself of that, because in the end, what david said about him was true- he's neurotic, and he didn't seem to realize how true that was until the morning they both realized that their relationship had hit a dead end and they really just needed to end it while it was too late.

they were in henry's house that day, and hadn't slept a wink that night due to staying up all night, contemplating where they were going.

david said "i don't know.", finally, but henry knew they really needed to do, and deep down, he knew that david did, too, hence the fact that the words were never actually said. the four or five words that almost every other couple has had to utter were never spoken between the two. it didn't have to be said.

but henry was so shaken by the reality that he put himself in a closet. literally. 

in a moment of despair, he ran into his bedroom, and slammed the door of the closet, signalling that he wanted to be alone at that point, and though hesitantly complying to this, david still refused to leave- he just paced around in the living room a while, his face in his hands, feeling properly defeated for the first time in his entire life as he listened to henry's spaced out, but heartbreaking muffled sobs through the establishment. david obviously didn't want to accept the end either, and henry still wonders if he ever did make sense of the whole thing.

from there on, they were put on separate shifts completely due to an anonymous tip.

but was it really so anonymous? it had to have been either greg or morgan, they were the only two who truly knew. 

but after fourteen years, henry was transferred, much like many of his colleagues before him. he now works nights in the miami crime lab, only fifty-five minutes away from his family- namely, his grandmother in a nursing home in boca raton. and it's so funny, that even in a place that david has never even been in, he still sees his face all over it. it just feels all too similar to the vegas crime lab to him.

he likes it here alright, but besides the ordeal with david, he really misses greg and morgan. sometimes you have to do things that cause inconveniences, though. at least he still keeps in contact with them, and they even hosted a farewell party when he took the job in florida. 

he didn't see david personally, but he found an envelope from him in the dna trace lab as he made one last sweep through to make sure he collected all of his personal belongings that he's left over the years.

to this day, though, he's reluctant to open it- he assumes that one night he might get drunk enough to make the decision and perhaps find closure, even. but for now, it stays sealed, laying on the coffee table in his living room under comic books and geek culture magazines. and while he has no clue what's truly in that envelope, he has dreams about it sometimes, dreams of words handwritten on a sheet of notebook paper that say things about him that he realistically knows that david would never go as far as truly saying to his face; which kind of makes sense, making him fear that it could be what's in the letter; something he never could say out loud.

but then he wakes up, and after that first sip of coffee, reality hits him that it probably isn't so, and he goes on about his evening, because out of the fourteen years that he's known david hodges, he knows that he's likely said everything he has to say to him.

on the topic of things that david could say or had never said, "i love you" was something he remembers him saying often after the initial hook-up. the way he says it, smooth and quiet, always so quiet. it meant more that way, for some reason, even more so when he said "i still love you." as if there was ever a doubt back in those times. those three and/or four words echo through henry's ears so clearly that it's almost as if he's listening to him say it.

and as he hears those words, he swears he's hallucinating as he sees perfect reflection of his ex-boyfriend in the screen of a shut-down laptop. this is getting beyond neurotic. his obsession with ghosts isn't healthy. he probably needs psychiatric help at this point.


	2. cathedral monologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no song references that i can truly think of for this chapter.

_**i sit here, alone in this temple... painted glass, particularly big stone walls.. you can almost convince yourself that the silence is speaking to you........** _

_classic, old-fashioned church music rings warmly from an electric organ as he slowly walks down an aisle, watching his every move through a reflection in the eyes of his beloved who'd walked this way before him. the classy wedding that he'd always wanted deep down is happening, and though the ringing which resembles that of an alarm clock screams in his ears, he keeps putting one foot in front of the other, inching his way to the man that he's always wanted, despite the repercussions, despite the risks, fear and denial of giving in to the one thing that would make him happy._

_**warning you something, something you chose to ignore.** _

_"we're gathered here today....." justice of the peace by the power of.... is he in nevada or florida? shit, he can't remember- but that doesn't matter._

_familiar faces smile at him- family members, his about-to-be in-laws, ex-colleagues and friends. today's the day that he's finally going to get everything that he's ever wanted- this is way, way better than any birthday. not that those were ever any good._

_one year, he even got kidnapped, was in a car accident, and found a dead body, all on the same day. but that's a past story._

_this is now, currently..._

_...and also, unlike the birthday story, this one isn't real._

this isn't henry andrews' wedding. maybe someone else's is going this way, but as for now, there isn't a single ring on any of the toxicology technician's fingers, and his alarm clock is about to ring off of his nightstand.

he doesn't even look at it as he turns it off and sighs, turning over on his right side to stare at some boxes.

henry hasn't quite unpacked everything yet, and most of his apartment is filled with cardboard boxes that'll eventually be emptied as he gradually needs things out of them. 

the one that really catches his eye is topped off by a dvd in a clear cd case, and he knows exactly what that clear cd case is. he also knows that there's more of those in the box, filled with those home movies and films that david took whenever he felt like it. 

however, david didn't want them lying around in his home, collecting dust after the breakup- why would he? it seems trivial. 

but henry's secretly a sentimental, melancholic creature by nature. so he took them, despite never actually watching them. that was the end of his involvement with these artifacts until he threw them in a box. 

so, he's still hung up, obviously. there's no other reason why he would've captured the ever-lasting memory of david hodges that's branded into the medial temporal lobe of his brain and hauled it all the way across the lower region of the country, now, is there?

he's been in miami for two months. well, technically one month and nineteen days, but, pretty much two months. he's gotten comfortable with his surroundings- his new home, and the people he works with. when he first came here, he worked nights- but now he's on days since day shift was in need more trace technicians.

one of his colleagues in particular, ryan wolfe suggested that they go out for drinks one night that they're not absolutely exhausted. he takes it as an opportunity to make a friend, or at least a mutual connection in his new environment, so he had stated that he'd take him up on that, even though the opportunity hasn't really shown up just yet. they both seem to be tired, or just straight-up busy most of the time.

he's also been talking to walter simmons, another day shift team mate. he's a pretty cool guy from what he's seen, and hopes to run into him more often.

the miami crime lab is a lot smaller than the vegas one, but he does find it a little more homier. there's a beach here, a slightly calmer environment, and once again, he's closer to family. well, the only family he does have left, that is- his grandma. he's an only child, and his parents died a while ago. (that's a long, depressing story all on it's own and he'd rather not get into it.)

but, you'd think that one of these perks would be the fact that he wouldn't run into david. 

and though it is kind of nice that he won't have that awkward encounter at such a strange moment, their relationship didn't really end on bad terms. neither hate the other, despite how desperately henry wishes that he did, so he wouldn't constantly rack his brain over what went wrong. 

yeah, what did go wrong?

enough with that, though. he doesn't have a lot of time to get up and get ready for work- and he kind of wants to shower, too. miami is kind of humid, and you'll get sticky just sitting around doing nothing, or in his case, just sleeping.

and though he really wants to move on with his life and start a new chapter, those dvds seem to be calling his name. he desperately wants to watch them, but he tells himself that he won't as he heads to the kitchen to start brewing a pot of coffee while he gets ready.

"fuck." he sighs under his breath as he realizes that he's out of coffee filters after a moment of frantic searching. "thought i picked up more of these last weekend." 

at least he can just use a paper towel to do the filter's job. 

hopefully he remembered to buy those. 

he's kind of a mess.

"it's seven thirty, get it together." he tells himself once the coffee is finally on, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

_and when he opens them, he's back in david's vegas apartment, the tv playing as turns around to face him, look into his blue-ish grey eyes and let go of that breath, pushing himself up against david and wishing it were real, wishing he were still here._

_he remembers this moment the night of their first real fight, the time that their words went far beyond david pretending to be annoyed by him at work in order to keep the csi team from getting suspicious. it was more on the serious side for once, but for the life of him, he can only remember bits and fragments of the actual argument._

_he just remembers making up, and then going to bed. now they're here. it must not have been too bad._

_but looking back, maybe none of their arguments were all that bad._

henry seriously contemplates calling david from time to time- just to check up on him.

then again, he probably wouldn't answer, though, because wouldn't he have called if he really cared to talk?


	3. myth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or let the ashes fly

curiosity- it can kill. 

now, usually it's the act that curiosity brought on that results in death, such as conducting an experiment pertaining to the question 'what would happen if i did x'.

but it's not like that for henry. in his case, he swears that he's going to spontaneously combust if he doesn't watch those stupid dvds that caught his attention this morning. the act of being curious it self is almost enough to kill him.

those dvds say something- maybe it's something he needs to know, something he chose to ignore, or maybe they're just videos.

it's almost seven pm. he worked a little later than he thought he would, but it's not like he can complain about that or anything.

his nerves have been sky-rocketing today, though. his heart is about to beat out of his chest. from the second he opens the door to his apartment, he's on a mission, and nothing, no one, or anything will stop him.

henry falls on his knees next to that cardboard box and begins mindlessly digging for any dvds inside. he knows they're all in the same place. he put them like that. once they're stacked in a pile, he gets up and slings them on his bed, followed by his laptop that he picks up off of a dresser. 

"come on, david..." he whispers, opening his laptop. "...give me something.. anything.." his hands shake as he opens the first dvd and sticks it inside of the disc slot. he's getting emotional already, just thinking what's going to come up.

the first one only has a single file. a video that david put together of their happiest, rawest and most human moments together. the highlights of their relationship throughout the years.

so, he clicks it, bracing himself for emotion he's about to feel- even though he isn't sure what exactly that emotion is quite yet.

_before the video starts, he hears the ringing of a piano. but it isn't just any piano, it's the beginning to a song that he really hoped he'd never have to hear again. it brings him back to when their relationship started to go south, and it hurts to remember. but he doesn't mute it, because david apparently meant for the song to go with the video._

_"drifting in and out, see the road you're on..."_

_this first clip is a little shaky because they're walking- but they're at the disney adventure park in anaheim, and david's holding the camera, talking to it while trying to get a decent glimpse at the snow globe in henry's right hand._

_so, henry shakes it, holds it up with a laugh, and then david leans over to kiss him on the cheek, really quickly._

_"it came rolling down your cheek, say just what you mean.. and in between..."_

__david was always so sly and stealthy about kissing, seemingly nervous about any form of pda in public. henry really didn't blame him, and understood why. it just kind of sucked sometimes, wanting to hold his hand and be pulled into his embrace while out in public places.

henry wanted to scream that he loved him from the top of his lungs, but david was afraid that someone else would hear him.

_the next is a slide- a scanned file of a polaroid that henry had forgotten all about. they're on a couch somewhere, circa '09. he wonders if he knew that he loved david then. the writing on the polaroid states the date. the picture its self features henry covering the right half of his face while david's on the left, his hands making circles around both of his eyes._

__they never really knew what to do in pictures.

_"it's never as it seems."_

_next up is a brief glance from their '16 roadtrip to drop in on nick in san diego. it starts off when henry laughing in the back seat- and once he realizes that he's being filmed, he tries to cover the lense._

henry kind of hates being caught by surprise on camera- it always freaked him out.

_"help me to name it, help me to name it.."_

_as the clips go on, his heart feels heavier- they're so happy in these. kissing, laughing, being their dorky selves. back when henry **was** himself._

_"if you built yourself a myth, you know just what to give."_

__henry remembers laying awake in bed those nights he wasn't with david, nearly brought to tears over their current situation. he loved him so, so, much... but they were changing- their personalities clashed, and not well at that.

he wishes he could find the exact moment where it started to become a problem and undo whatever was done- fix it all. 

he wishes he would have turned down that job offer, stayed, turned the car around and ran back into david's arms.

_"what comes after this? momentary bliss.._

there's a lump in his throat, and he knows that he's already in too deep. maybe he grabbed the wrong one first- maybe he should have braced himself better. he was so eager to watch these, and now he regrets it. but contradicting his desire to close the laptop and never look at these videos ever again, he turns the volume up instead. 

he doesn't know why he did that. this song is tearing him apart.

_"consequence.."_

__it's apparent that david liked to catch henry while he was asleep. despite being reluctant about pda, he seemed to be very fond of the fact that they were in a relationship. he liked to reassure himself of that, constantly.

and it kind of burns, because henry knows damn well that in the end, david would've done anything for him- and vice versa, too. why couldn't they have just made it work? why was it so hard? 

_"of what you do to me. help me to name it, help me to name it..."_

__he misses david's cat, too. he can hear his purring in their ears every night they slept at david's house, circling around their heads until he finally found a spot perfectly between them. henry loved that cat like his own..

_"found yourself in a new direction, eons far from the sun."_

something similar to a whimper manages to escape henry's throat as he looks back on his past self wrapping his arms around david's shoulders and pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. he'll never be that happy again, will he?

_"canyon calling, would they come to greet you, let you know you're not the only one..."_

there are a few clips thrown in here that aren't of them specifically, but each and every one of them come with a memory of david, the clips of other people from important events or memories that henry holds close to his heart. 

and it's almost like david meant to do this to him, maybe to make him sorry that he ever left vegas, hell, maybe even to make him feel bad for leaving the relationship in the first place. 

but henry knows better than that- he knows that david realizes their breakup was a mutual decision- one they had at the same time. they seemed to always be in-sync with the other's thoughts and emotions, even when they didn't realize it.

still, if the weather is a certain way, or he sees a certain thing in a certain place at a certain, specific time, it reminds him of david. it feels like torture.

_"can't keep hanging on, to what is dead and gone.."_

yet he does.

_"if you built yourself a myth, you know just what to give- materialize.."_

"..or let the ashes fly." henry can never resist singing along to that line because it holds significance to him, and reminds him of something he needs to do.

just let the ashes fly.

_"help me to name it, help me to name it..."_

the last seconds of the song where it's just an instrumental outro gives more depth and meaning to the final clips. despite the heartache that this video brought him, henry has to admit that david always knew how to put things together, and he doesn't think there could've been a more perfect way to create something out of the given material. 

and while he wonders if the remaining discs are just the same clips individually, he also can't help but feel as if there's something buried in them- something he missed. david meant for him to watch all of these- of course he did. why else would he have casually just left them all in the box?

henry sighs, and tells himself to keep going- there's a reason for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song is myth by beach house :)


	4. unnamed fourth chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i know it's short, but it's building up to the big event.
> 
> song reference- 'henry' by bif naked :)

the drive from the miami crime lab to henry's apartment and vice versa feels like it gets longer and longer every afternoon, and it definitely doesn't help that he has to take the interstate back and forth. 

maybe he should have thought his living arrangements through, but then again it was hard enough to even get accepted into that apartment building. 

he also really doesn't know what he's in such a hurry for. it's not like he'll be able to sleep tonight. he hasn't for a while, and especially not since watching that video.

what could possibly be on the other dvds haunts him, but he doesn't know if he can take much more heartbreak. the last one was enough. his ears perk up slightly at the mention of his name in a song on the radio, but it soon becomes background noise as his attention fades off to staring at the storm clouds approaching.

one thing he's learned is that it rains a lot more in florida than in nevada, which means that it's a totally different type of hot- the sticky, humid kind that seems to get worse every week.

for the most part, it's pretty miserable if you ask him, but it doesn't seem to be too bad during those midnight beach walks he's found himself taking a lot more lately. something about being on the beach during a time where it isn't sunny and crowded with tourists is just so relaxing. where it's just you, the sand, and the crashing waves. although he kind of wishes he had someone to enjoy it with.

"just go!" he yells at the car in front of him, who's taking it's sweet time to move along with the rest of the traffic that's finally getting somewhere. 

tempted to honk his horn, he decides to let his judgement get the better of him and just roll his eyes. 

vegas got ugly, too, and he's pretty much just used to it. traffic is something you just have to deal with when you live in a big city.

\-----

the first thing henry does when he gets home is head to his room and pull his phone out of his back pocket. his life has been full of random impulses lately, so what's another impulsive decision? he phones up a friend- one who, at one point, knew him best. a friend that he used to, -and still- looks up to.

"hey, henry, how are you?" greg sanders, the man on the other line asks. 

"um, i'm alright, how about you?" he replies, throwing himself on his bed, just in time to hear the rain start. 

"pretty good, you know, i've just been super busy with work an all." he laughs. 

"yeah, i can definitely relate. they keep me pretty busy down here, too."

"crime labs in big cities are mostly all the same.. so, what's up?"

"well.." henry says, "i was thinking that i should come back over there soon, to kinda' catch up. i miss you and morgan, and, hey, is mandy still at the vegas crime lab?"

"yeah."greg's tone seems to drop slightly, but henry shrugs it off as overthinking on his part- that's almost always what it is. 

"cool, and, uh, you know that i miss david.. right?"

"i knew you were getting to that, and um, yeah, he misses you, too. a lot." greg states.

henry sighs and shifts in position. "i know.. i, um, i found these home videos. and i really, really just want to see him again.. i know that we probably can't re-spark what we used to have, but i just want to get some closure." 

"trust me, he wants closure, too. you're all he ever talks about, you know that?"


End file.
